Are you confused by the strange and unexpected things your spouse says and does even after the affair has ended?

The high likelihood is that you spouse is lost in their own personal self fulfilling fantasy known as “affair fog”. This state of mind helps wayward spouses rationalise their actions and can lead them to believe that their affair is even a noble cause. We have heard from spouses who honestly believe they are saving their affair partner from terrible marriages, yet little to no thought is ever given regarding their own actions.

How can this “affair fog” be overcome?

The single most important aspect of healing is the severance of all contact with the affair partner, this applies to both the wayward and betrayed spouses. For the wayward spouse, if you are committed to your marriage then any contact with your affair partner will only increase your confusion and hesitation. For the betrayed spouse, the affair partner cannot offer you anything of use to your marriage, it is not in their best interest for your marriage to succeed. Cut them loose as even if they tell you something you find interesting you will never know their ulterior motives.

I have so many questions in mind?

Most betrayed spouses are initially overwhelmed and confused by the number of questions that came to mind, and most wayward spouses feel the same way (even if you don’t show it). Questions can number in single digits into the hundreds. An affair rocks a marriage to its very core and the duration and elapsed time since an affair occurred can lead to doubts around significant portions and events in your marriage. Learning the vital skill of communication can help you start to talk too each other instead of at each other.

Your affair healing journey is unique to you, stop trying to fit your affair experience into a box of someone else’s story. Although you may have similarities with something you saw on a webpage or you know someone who had a similar experience always make sure you are comparing apples with apples. Your affair experience and the risk to your marriage is unique to you and although it’s easy to find some similarities. You are recovering from the affair in your own marriage so stay focused on your marriage.

How do I know it won’t happen again?

Real healing comes from understanding what has happened and why it happened (for both of you). By identifying risks and concerns you can both agree on effective boundaries for your relationship. Spouses who build the strength to be able to discuss affairs and the risks around affairs will always be better protected than spouses who think they have dealt with it but never want to talk about it again.

Have you had enough of being confused? Keep learning and stay focused on your marriage, better days are possible!

Keeping It Together

Uncovering an affair will rock even the toughest people to their very core. Discovering or being told of an affair can make you doubt everything you know, and it will challenge everything you hold dear. Knowing what to expect will give you the upper hand in recovery

Taking Care Of You

You are the indispensable part of your healing journey and regardless of what your wayward spouse chooses to do, you are the one that needs to emerge from affair recovery stronger and wiser than ever before. Affair recovery is not always about a healed marriage, it can also be about the personal healing of the betrayed spouse, where they learn to accept, forgive and forge a new path for themselves.


Learn how to engage with your spouse, even in these trying times. It may seem strange that you need to learn to talk to someone that you’ve committed to spend the rest of your life with. Unfortunately, poor communication ability on both sides has probably had some bearing on the course of your marriage to date.