Are you one of the many people who believe that discovering infidelity will signal the end of your marriage? You are not alone. I once felt the exact same way, and yet I did stay in my marriage. With affairs affecting around 1 in 3 marriages it is now more important than ever to know your stance on infidelity. And more importantly, your spouse’s opinion.
Sadly, affairs are still taboo for many couples. Only a few couples ever take the time to discuss the significant risks. Generally, a discussion about infidelity goes something along the lines of “If you ever cheat, I will leave you”. Having set the boundary, little to no consideration is given to the actual causes of affairs.
All things considered, most affairs represent a sequence of bad decisions. While most betrayed spouses prefer to believe that decisions were instant. The truth is that most affairs build up slowly, and cheating was probably the last thing on anyone’s mind.
Deciding to stay or go can be a minefield. Especially when you are dealing with affair fog. That said, you owe it to yourself to make well informed decisions about the future of your relationship. By understanding the ongoing risk of affairs and how subsequent marriages fare you will start to see the bigger picture. I need you to know that your marriage can be healed, and can be better than ever before.
What if it happens again?
If you ask Google if cheating will happen again, you will get millions of results. Many of which will quote the infamous line “once a cheater, always a cheater”. While this statement is chilling for someone affected by an affair. Is it really true?
I contend that without a full healing of your marriage and the implementation of jointly agreed boundaries, the risk of another affair will remain. By the way, reminding your spouse about what they have done every day is not a deterrent.
The risks to your marriage depends on what you both do next. The best way to prove this statement wrong is to start securing your marriage. Start learning about affairs and the unseen risks of infidelity. You need to become comfortable discussing the affair with your spouse. Remember, ignoring infidelity will not make it disappear. Tackling it head on will help you to heal your marriage.
Now is the time to step back from your emotions to see if there are any underlying weaknesses in your marriage. Self-awareness is there to protect and improve your marriage. Above all, remember that you cannot change the past. Start spending your time focusing on events you can still change.
Finding someone better
The UK Office for National Statistics reported that between 2003 and 2013 the divorce rate for men and women dropped by 27% and 26% respectively. However, these declines were not seen by couples in subsequent marriages. During 2013 19% of divorces were to people whose previous marriages had ended in divorce. Compared with figures in 1980 of just 10%.
Simply put, subsequent marriages are less likely to succeed then their predecessor. While there will be some exceptions. The likelihood is that it will be more difficult to find lasting love in another marriage. I propose that this is probably due to spouses bringing unresolved issues into their new marriage. Somehow believing that this time things will be different.
Is it really possible to get over an affair?
The key ingredient to healing your marriage is a for both of you to have a willingness to try. Infidelity recovery is challenging, even when your spouse is enthusiastic. That said, done properly affair recovery will be a very rewarding experience.
Healing does not happen overnight. Yet with time and sustained effort your marriage can be closer and more intimate than affair free marriages. Quite simply because commitment and understanding will take your relationship to another level.
The early days of recovery are difficult. Make sure you get the right support to give your marriage the best chance of recovery. By the way, the actions of either spouse after discovery are responsible for ending more marriages than actual affairs.
Should I stay?
All things considered the healing of your marriage needs both of you to be willing and committed. Once both of you start to value your relationship over your emotions, the chances of your marriage recovering will be significantly higher.
Now is the time to understand your spouse like never before. It is time to reset your relationship and to take it to the next level. Most importantly, after healing make sure that you get nothing less than an awesome marriage. You deserve it.