Has the fun, curiosity and continuous attention of your partner been substituted with routine, predictability and daily chores? If so, the likelihood is that the honeymoon phase of your relationship has passed. For most, the end of the honeymoon period marks the transition from infatuation to a fully developed relationship.
On the other hand, for some this evolution can leave the impression that the good has started to drain away from the relationship. These impressions are well known to raise the risk of an affair, as “lonely” partners unwittingly seek attention from others.
Much has been written about the duration of the honeymoon phase. As well as the hormonal changes experienced during and after the honeymoon. I simply propose that quite often the transition occurs when we lose our sense of curiosity about our partner. That is, we decide that we know enough about them and then ease our emotional and physical workload by reducing our quest for knowledge.
Here’s the good news, curiosity never stops. By reintroducing curiosity into your developed relationship, you can start enjoying the excitement of the honeymoon phase with the reliability of maturity.
What do I need to do to stoke my curiosity?
Firstly, it is worth reflecting on what has happened to your curiosity. Think back on the times when you wanted nothing more than to explore your partner. With those memories in mind recollect the feelings and emotions. These feelings represent the “why” in your relationship.
Now, before you start looking for the reasons to justify why you no longer have the time or energy to do these things. Remember that even though your circumstances have changed, you did have priorities in the early stages of your relationship. For example, your friends or family may have received less of your attention. The key difference now is that back then you made choices that promoted your relationship up your emotional hierarchy. These choices represent the “how” in your relationship.
In essence you now have the “why” and the “how” in your relationship. What we now need to do is find out how you can use them today.
Talking leads to action
In the early days of your relationship there was undoubtedly much to learn about your partner. As you become more familiar with your partner it can be surprising easy for curiosity to wane. Especially when you have to hear about yet another day in the office.
Earlier you identified the “why” in your relationship. Now it’s time to use communication to start facilitating the “how”.
Think for a moment about how much time you actually spend discussing your relationship with your partner. Remember that telling your partner that something they do or don’t do is irritating does not count. I am talking about taking time at least once a week to talk about what is really going on for each other.
These conversations are not for hot date nights nor are they for talking about bills or the children. They are about you both taking time to talk about what is actually going on in your life, and then to understand how your partner feels about what you say.
Now is the time to be inquisitive. Start looking for the ideal location and schedule the time. When you start taking this time, talk about what is truly important to you, and when you listen, stay curious.
Staying on the right track
Many of us will have read articles promoting more frequent sex or enticing lingerie to spark your lovers interest. Or the fact that we need date nights and surprises to keep us hungry for one another. All options will have some pros and cons. My view is that provided they are healthy balanced choices I encourage you to continue investing in your relationship.
Not everyone is excited by the same things. Do things that you both enjoy, that way it will always be easier to have fun while strengthening your relationship. Stay away from relationship improving fads and how too guides, they are likely to leave you running in circles and will likely cause more confusion than sparks.
All things considered, the spark is more likely to ignite when you are consistent and reliable. And when you combine dependable actions with good communication you will create chemistry to take your relationship to the next level.
What do we need to do?
Mature and committed relationships take effort. Now is the time to make sure that you are expressing your needs in a way that helps your partner to understand what you need. Focus on listening to each other with the sole aim of trying to understand one another a little better.
All things considered, remember that you are the person your partner fell in love with. By doing your part to ensure that your partner feels understood and valued you will create more sparks than ever before. What you do with the sparks is up to the 2 of you.